It’s the eve before the dawn of another new year. It’s time again for us to take stock of our lives and look ahead to another year shining with possibility. First, we look back upon yet another year riddled with … Continue reading →
It’s like they say, you’ve just gotta get right back up on that horse and ride. Maybe also try a different horse.
Some think of Christmas consumerism as a relatively recent phenomenon, but it’s actually been around at least since the late 1700s when the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was written. In fact, some trace it even further back, to … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas to pretty much everyone, and to almost everyone, a good night! Ok fine, to my enemies too. But may they find Boxing Day to be a bit of a let-down. … Continue reading →
Everyone likes to make world peace their Christmas wish, but that’s so unrealistic. Ok Santa, how about you just send me a couple of strippers and some booze and we’ll call it even. Sorry, I’m not sure if I’m supposed … Continue reading →
I’m bringing sexy back. Well, I was trying to, but it was seized by customs when I was crossing the border.
The internet is a uniquely effective venue for the public expression of messages that are actually passive-aggressively aimed at a particular individual. Isn’t that right, you bitch.
Lord, grant me the the drugs to accept the things I cannot change, the alcohol to not change the things I can, and the drugs to not care about the difference.
Whenever I start to feel down, I just think of the squirrels in the park. It’s not that it makes me feel any better, it’s just that I’m going insane.
Look, I know we’ve got good intentions, but you know it’s inevitable that continuing to feed our kids this Santa story is eventually going to lead to a major psychotic break.
It’s like they say, you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig, albeit a very sexually attractive pig. Add a bit of mascara and all bets are off. Actually, me and the lads have a bit … Continue reading →
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Like really really cold, like when on a hot summer day you give someone a nice cold refreshing bowl of gazpacho, except that the gazpacho is actually liquid nitrogen! Though super hot is … Continue reading →
The pen is mightier than the sword, except in close combat situations.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and they call you a condescending paternalistic know-it-all busybody colonialist pedant.