People are complex beings. If you want someone to change their behaviour, you can’t just use simple coercion — you need a more sophisticated ‘carrot-and-stick’ approach. With the stick, you beat them viciously to a bloody open-minded pulp. I’m not … Continue reading →
When something crappy happens, we say “that’s life”. It is only in rare cases that we congratulate a friend on the birth of their first child or celebrate our immediate neighbour’s most recent orgasm by shouting joyously “that’s life!”
I’ve decided to let go of my futile quest for so much external validation and instead listen more closely to my own inner wisdom. How does that sound to you guys, am I on the right track?
All the world’s a stage, and the quality of the playwriting is very uneven and the only way to get a lead part is by sleeping with the director.
“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think” (attributed to Jean de La Bruyère, 1645-1696). How exactly do spaghetti westerns fit into this schema?
Honesty is one of the top ten best policies.
Sometimes I just have to shake my head and laugh when I hear those voices in my head because, no offense, but man, those guys are just crazy.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, unless these are metaphorical lemons we’re talking about here in which case you’re basically fucked.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but come on, I’m not some kind of fish-humping pervert.
Beauty is only skin deep, but the underlying skeletal structures and muscular and adipose tissues also play an important role.
Love is the alpha and the omega. Nothing can defeat the power of love. Nothing. (I am excluding from consideration, of course, my new invention, the Zaxtron Supersonic Laser 2000.)
Opportunity knocks, but usually it’s just playing knicky knicky nine doors. Or leaving a burning bag of poop at your door.
I’ve been reflecting on the social dimensions of infrastructure in supposedly progressive Holland, and the more I think about it the more outraged I become at how, on a massive scale, they have used lesbians to hold back the seawater … Continue reading →
There are two kinds of solipsists in the world: me, and all the apparently external mental entities whose existence is illusory or unknowable.
It takes a village to raise a child. Bummer for kids in villages where there’s more than one child.
Life is like a box of chocolates — expensive, nutty, and replete with ineffable qualia.
“Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast … Continue reading →
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who follow their projects through to completion, and
So I went to the strip club last night with the Gingerbread Man, and it was a total let-down. All the strippers were wearing pastries.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. I noticed footprints in the sand; sometimes there were two sets of footprints, sometimes there was only one set. So I said to the Lord, “You promised … Continue reading →
Do you ever just gaze up at the clouds, imagination running wild and finding fanciful forms? Me too. Once I saw a cloud that looked to me like a cumulonimbus.
If you love your freedom from hoof-and-mouth disease, thank a vet.
When the sun’s shining on a crisp autumn day, the world seems like a beautiful gift and you feel like everything’s going to work out just fine. Yeah, nice try, world. I’m not falling for that one again.