Today, an apology to my fans. I know that a lot of you have been trying to contact me with your fanatical fan questions; I apologize for not responding, but there have been some technical difficulties. It has recently come to my attention that most email applications suffer from an unfortunate glitch where the email is not sent when the text is input by means of french-kissing the monitor while carefully massaging ketchup into the cooling vents of your computer. I believe it is because of this glitch that I have not been receiving the expected deluge of thousands of items of adoring fan mail, marriage proposals, marriage requests, requests for marriage proposals, requests for temporary Nikah al-Mut‘ah marriages, requests for stay of restraining orders, and so forth. One of our more tech-savvy readers has informed me that apparently there is a work-around where you can actually input your message by means of typing on your computer keyboard interface. It’s inelegant, but it will suffice as a temporary solution. Please spread the word to your friends.
Many fans have been asking, I assume, for an update on my new screenplay. I’m happy to report that the writing process is going very well. It’s quite early in the game, though, so I don’t want to say too much about it yet, but I can tell you that the working title is “The Gentile and the Deformed Tree Growth”. Really, it’s basically your classic goy meets burl, burl meets goy story.