As Mark Twain or somebody else once said, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” Since that day, bitterly stung by this scathing critique, hot tears of anger welling up in their eyes and spraying gustily from their tear ducts, scientists across the globe have been working overtime to prove him wrong, against all odds and despite the hazardous workplace environments resulting from their slippery, tear-soaked laboratory floors. Weather control is now a massive industry involving cash flows of well into the hundreds of dollars and beyond. Cloud-seeding, storm prevention, and other forms of weather modification have been the subject of research and development since as early as the dawn of the 1900s. And these techniques have long outgrown the phase of small-scale experimentation — a prominent recent example came when, in preparation for the Beijing Olympics, China famously stepped up their weather control efforts to operations of stunningly ambitious scope and intensity befitting a colossus under technocratic authoritarian rule. Mark Twain may have enjoyed himself making his snarky and ignorant comments, but it appears that weather control experts are having the last laugh, dancing on his grave, soft, sweet tears of joy spewing geyser-like out of their eye sockets.
But despite these scientists’ awe-inspiring efforts, and despite the frightening government-led ‘chemtrail’ projects that have been well-documented and exposed by authoritative insane people, weather modification today remains a very inexact science, unlike the ‘hard’ sciences, such as macroeconomics or sociology. The system we call the atmosphere-hydrosphere-blogosphere-other-sphere-thingies is incredibly complex, and to truly control it would require precise knowledge of a mind-boggling array of variables. So complex are the dynamics of weather and climate that they can only be described by invoking the esoterica of ‘chaos theory’ — some even go so far as to say the ‘erotica’ of chaos theory, probably. Popular writers often like to illustrate chaos theory’s central insight that the behaviour of certain systems is ‘sensitive to initial conditions’ by referring to the ‘butterfly effect’, where the mere flapping of a butterfly’s wings sets off a hurricane. Consider the significance of this phenomenon. In this era of ever-more volatile weather and a changing climate, knowing what we now know with our advanced science and mathematics, how can we as a society continue to sit idly by? We must act now, and we must act quickly and decisively. It’s time to exterminate those murderous butterflies, now, before they set off yet another hurricane with a flippant and frivolous flap of the wing. Please click here to contribute to our 14th Annual Global Butterfly Extermination Jamboree.